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2006-05-21 Joke

mental asylum

During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.” Do you want a room with or without a view?

bush in a school

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers to answer some of the children’s questions. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

“Bob” he says.

“And what is your question, Bob?”

“I have 3 questions…

First… Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second… Why are you resident when Kerry got more votes? And third… What happened to Osama Bin Laden?”

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right, it’s question time. Who has a question?”

A different boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

“Steve” he says.

“And what is your question, Steve?”

“I have 5 questions.

First… Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second.. Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third… What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth… Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And fifth… Where’s Bob?

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smoking

Smoking reduces your life by 5 minutes. Sex increases your life by 10 minutes.

Conclusion: a fucking smoker never dies!

doctors

Teacher: What do you want to become? Pupil: A doctor Teacher: Why? Sam : Because its the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes & ask her husband to pay for it.

sardarji kidnaps a child

A Sardarji was living in poverty. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

The Sardarji wrote a note saying: “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground”.

Signed: “A Sardarji”.

He then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree. The boy was sitting next to the bag. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying:

“How can a Sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and please leave me my son.” Signed: “Another Sardarji”.